I feel like the title of this post could be misleading for, well, many reasons. I’ll explain before you have the chance to daydream. I graduated college just over 7 months ago, with a smile on my face, a hole in my pocket, and a diploma in hand. I moved to one of the greatest cities in the world with the idea of serving a year and figuring out what I want to do with this life of mine. Now, 6 months into my journey, I am realizing how far I still have yet to travel. For many, this is where panic exists. For some reason, while I do recognize the all-too-real sense of societal pressure to conform, I am enjoying the fact that my dreams are hazy and that I don’t know exactly what is next for me.
In fact, I take comfort in knowing that my passions have been added to, divided, toyed with, and confused. I appreciate that the experience of working with those who lack many “necessary” things have made me aware of my own materialism. I do admit that I sit here scared of what these convictions may lead me to, knowing that I have loans to pay off and the need to support myself in the near future. However, how lucky am I! It is such a blessing that I have come to love so many missions, be devoted to so many different avenues of living, and have meaningful relationships with so many extraordinary people.
In my application essay to Mercy Works volunteer program, I was asked what I was nervous for, if anything. I actually said in the essay (which I recently went back and re-read): When I come out of this year, I want to feel uncomfortable with my old way of living. I want to not be able to become complacent in having excess, but rather seek to find ways to make my life simple so others may live too.” I said later in the essay, (in regards to what I was studying in school): “I am interested to see how far I can stretch a journalism degree into other fields that aren’t traditionally related. To think about what good I can do in the world through the scope of my career is an exciting and daunting thought process; one in which I am continually discerning.”
I honestly didn’t realize how dead-on I would be about this potential fear. I didn’t realize how much I would experience it, how much it would make me question EVERYTHING about how I live, and how much I would come to appreciate the awareness it has given me. Gaining a more accurate worldview may be scary, but – and I can tell you from experience – the light is so much more glorious than the dark.
So I have a degree in Journalism, with a focus in Public Relations and Advertising. I have a minor in Theology. And I just edited my resume, and I seem to have some random experience in a lot of areas. I’ve waited tables, written columns, tutored students, read to the elderly, granted wishes with Make-A-Wish, grilled steaks, marketed basketball games, planned events, and supervised teens in a residential facility. But what I have come to realize and appreciate more recently, is that I have DRIVE, (even though I might not have a specific destination just yet); I have PASSION, (even though that may be undefined and unfinished); and I have LOVE to give. I refuse to be put in a box; to believe that what I have been is what I must be. I refuse to set limits on what I can do by what I have done. And I refuse to be someone society expects me to be just because “they” say it. So whether that leads me to a job in corporate PR and events, a nonprofit development job, a continuing career in youth advocacy and social justice, or if I pursue a love that I haven’t even met yet, I know that all will be well.
“All will be well, even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself,
All will be well, you can ask me how but only time will tell.
All will be well, even though sometimes this is hard to tell –
and the fight is just as frustrating as hell…all will be well.”